Roz.K

Ironically for the longest, this was going to be the title for a project I was going to launch, but after a while, I didn’t like the sound of it, it began to sound a little bit too cliche, and a matter of fact just plain cheesy!

I’ve had my fair share of friends come in and out of my life for many different reasons, whether due to tension, miscommunication or just growing apart. I’ve had friends blatantly use me, and also take my kindness for weakness, even though there is a different side of me that surprises them that they tend to not like when they realize, the side that is strong and speaks up for myself or others when need be, the side that tells it how it is, the side that basically has known what has been going on for a while, but wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, and then boom they get caught out!

2018 was a great year for making some amazing new friends! Sometimes I feel with age it’s not possible *cue Drake no new friends!* But there are genuine humans still out there with no ulterior motives.

27 days into 2019 and I’ve gotten to the point where I will no longer allow how people feel about themselves to reflect on me, I’ve learnt that it is actually a reflection of how they are feeling. I will no longer receive third party opinions from people that know nothing about me and my struggle, and how I’ve worked hard all my life to bring me exactly to where I am today. I will no longer allow people to think they’re better than me due to finances or possessions being handed to them to buy their love. I receive so much love from my family, and it doesn’t involve possessions or money, these things are only temporary, and after a while will leave you feeling empty and wanting more to fill that void. My heart is already full because I know I am genuinely loved, and I give that love right back and more!

This may sound very cliche, but I’m definitely ride or die when it comes to my friends, and will always come to their defence when need be, but sometimes I wonder, would they do the same for me?

In October, God sent me an angel in the form of a friend of mine. She did something that I never expected anybody to ever do for me. I cried and I was in total shock, my first and only question to her was why me? She explained, and I accepted her explanation. I then realized that I would do the exact same thing for her, and the rest of my friends, and actually have done, but it’s not something I brag about nor choose to throw in peoples face. The beautiful gesture reminded of who I am, and why I was blessed by this person, it reminds me that I am on the right path of growth and understanding.

Rather than focus on what was, I’ve always believed that every event has a reason behind it, and when the time is right, it shall be revealed.

I interviewed a family friend of mine a week ago and was very bold in asking her about an issue we had where we didn’t speak for 5 years. She was honest and was able to explain why she took a step back from our friendship. I honestly never knew how she felt, and it was a shame that she didn’t feel she could communicate that to me 5 years prior, but as the saying goes, nothing happens before it’s time. Sadly, it was only death that reunited us, but I’m glad that I was able to be there for her during a very difficult time in her life and continue to be as she manoeuvres through life with her loss.

What the conversation with my family friend taught me is that communication is key, and being really honest with yourself, and others about how you feel could help any situation. If not, then it’s a slippery slope, and only a matter of time before things diminish.